Few of Us Have Been Asked This Question Before

One of the key offerings in Wheel of Consent work is the question “How would you like to be touched?”  For many folks this simple statement can be transformative.  Few of us have been asked this question before.  Many of us are used to accommodating our partner’s desires without experiencing much pleasure ourselves. 

Some nervous systems have been quietly hibernating for such a long time that the answer to this question can feel hidden somewhere beneath layers of snow.  Sometimes this is the first opportunity a person has to experience the time, patience, and safety to seek, wait, and listen for the answer from within. 

There are many factors that complicate a person’s ability to own and enjoy their own body and its pleasures.  Our personal histories with consent and choice can be confusing.  The Wheel of Consent can provide the opportunity to slow things down, practice saying yes and no, and exercise choice and voice, moment by moment.  

Sometimes the healing comes from finally listening to this inner voice.  Sometimes being with someone who’s willing to respond to requests with a full heart and full presence can melt away the fear and tightness we hold in our bodies around trust.  Sometimes the healing comes from ownership.  Sometimes the healing comes from knowing the difference between requested touch and permitted touch. 

 “How would you like to be touched?” becomes an invitation. 

In a trustworthy space, where we join with like-minded pilgrims, we may find softness instead of restriction, acceptance instead of judgement, and courage instead of dread.

Taking as much time as we need, receiving quality presence and attention from others, experiencing play with no agenda, expressing choice and voice: these are all key aspects of what makes Wheel of Consent work a healing practice.